party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
