Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
