Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize