someone get that fucking seahorse.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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