I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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