Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
