similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
