Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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