You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
