The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
