Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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