Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
