This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
