she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
