the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
