How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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