Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
