thus making me awesome and them whores
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
