Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
