last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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