I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
