He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
