Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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