Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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