i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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