So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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