Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
