He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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