I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
