I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
