I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
