she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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