apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize