So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
