I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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