I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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