Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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