"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I love you.
Bad choice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
