Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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