She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
