ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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