Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
