You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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