If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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