Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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