is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
