Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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