the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
