the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
