I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
