Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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