That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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