Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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