the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
