I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found the puke drawer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
