i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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