i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
