Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
