but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
