did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
