porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
