How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
