No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize