i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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