I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
