Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
