before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
