either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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