You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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