what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
please don't ironically join a cult
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