I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
