I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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