Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
