WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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