You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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