and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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