did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm going to jail i love you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
