I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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