Your face is a jimmy john
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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