So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
